Needs: What if someone had to meet the needs of their caregivers as a child?
Someone’s early years may not have been a time in their life when they received what they needed to receive in order to grow and develop; this may have been a time when roles were reversed. Consequently, it would have been up to them to meet the needs of their caregivers.
Now, this would have caused them to experience immense pain and suffer greatly, but they would not have been able to do anything about it. Furthermore, his main need at this stage in his life would have been to survive, not to have his needs met.
A time of adaptation
Having overlooked their needs would have been painful at first, but as time passed, they would have gradually lost touch with most of their needs. Behaving like their caring caretakers would have become the norm.
However, this is not to say that this is something they would have consciously thought about. Being there for a caregiver and not even thinking about their own needs would be just what they did.
The result of this is that they would not only have turned away from their own needs; They would also have distanced themselves from their true selves. Its true essence would have been concealed.
How they behaved would be nothing more than a role they played to survive: a false self. Most likely this would not have been something that they, or their caretaker, were aware of.
So, as one had to disconnect from one’s true self and play a role in order to survive, it would have meant that while their outer self grew, their inner self did not. Therefore, while they may have been very ‘mature’ for their age and even counted by others, this would have been a mask.
Behind this mask would be a deeply wounded child, an extremely underdeveloped child. This child would have been very good at tuning in to the needs of others and had no idea how to tune in to his own needs.
One would have done everything possible to keep one’s true essence at bay, to try to prevent something bad from happening. The reason for this is that since their needs were overlooked, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with who they are.
Keeping their “badness” away from others and from themselves would have been seen as the only way to be accepted. If they didn’t do this, they would have been more likely to be rejected and abandoned.
The truth is that, at this stage of their life, they should not have been responsible for anything, but they were led to believe that they were responsible for their caregiver. This would have overwhelmed them and prevented them from simply being children.
One way of looking at this would be to say that their childhood was stolen from them and sadly, this will not be something they will ever get back. As an adult, it will be up to them to raise their children again.
It will be many years since this stage in your life, but in many ways, it could be as if you are not much different or better. They may have a tendency to focus on the needs of others and ignore their own needs.
In general, they may not even know what they need or how they feel. Beneath the role they play, they may feel fearful, scared, helpless, powerless, and overwhelmed by life.
Drained for life
When it comes to the people in your life, they can usually be people who need to be saved. Therefore, these people are going to be an external representation of the part or parts of themselves that they hide from others and, often, from themselves.
These relationships will become unbalanced, one will do much more for others than others for them and will prevent these people from being responsible for themselves. The problem is, because you were led to believe your needs were bad as a child, you will not feel comfortable revealing your needs or believing that you deserve to have them met.
A new beginning
For your life to change, there will be what must happen “above” and what must happen “below.” What they went through as children and what they have experienced throughout their adult lives will have led them to develop a series of erroneous beliefs that must be addressed.
Below what they believe will be the trauma and emotional pain that they will have to overcome. This is what will allow you to let go of your false self and be firmly rooted in your true self.
If you can relate to this and are ready to change your life, you may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.