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What to consider before leaving your husband

I often hear from women who are considering leaving their husbands. I think these women are often looking for validation as to whether leaving their husbands would be the right or wrong decision. Often, I don’t know enough about the situation to feel comfortable helping someone make such serious and far-reaching decisions. However, I can and often do suggest some considerations to think about when it comes to deciding whether to walk away or walk away. I will talk about some of them in the next article.

Can the reasons why you want to leave be arranged?: Obviously, the reasons for wanting to leave are going to play a lot in this decision. If a wife finds herself in a situation where she is being abused or hurt in some way, fixing this often requires a great deal of outside help, as well as a great willingness on the part of the husband to change. This is not always present.

However, some issues and problems are fixed relatively easily. Many people contact me about money, intimacy and communication. Basically, the couple keeps dealing with (and conflicting with) the same issues over and over again. And each time it continues to appear, resentment and disappointment set in. Both parties may simply get tired of nothing changing or getting better.

The question often is whether this is a problem that can be fixed or overcome (and many fall into this category) and whether you are willing to put in the work, time and tenacity to solve it once and for all. Because often doing this will require you to get out of your comfort zone and identify where and why what you’ve been trying hasn’t worked. At that point, you will often have to try something new to turn things around and give yourself the best chance of success.

Looking at the big picture when you are considering leaving your husband: Many people make the decision to go or leave based on their desire for some relief. Many are so tired of dealing with the same thing over and over again that they just don’t believe that anything is going to change in a meaningful or lasting way.

And many don’t even consider that if they tried something new, they might get a different result. It can be important to try to see things objectively and to look at the whole picture. Many women in this situation have children to consider and are thinking of being single mothers or suddenly having to do a lot of things on their own.

This will often factor into the decision, but probably shouldn’t be your primary consideration. For me, it comes down to whether you feel your life and well-being improve by leaving your husband or by staying (if you could resolve the issues that are troubling the marriage right now).

There is no doubt that children benefit more when they live with two parents who love and love them. That really is the gold standard. I don’t think many people would argue with this. However, it is also fairly well accepted that children are better off in a single-parent home if they are being hurt or damaged in a two-parent home that cannot be repaired.

However, this is rarely the situation I am contacted about. Often the wife feels that she has “fallen out of love” with her husband or she feels that the marriage is dead and that she is just going through the motions. Often these are problems that can be fixed. It is not that her husband is abusive, cruel or that he is not a good person. It’s just that he no longer makes her feel loved, understood, and appreciated.

Often with just a little work these things can come back and the wife can feel happy and fulfilled again, but it’s hard for her to see this because she’s tired of nothing changing and feeling lonely in her own home.

How sure are you that you really want to leave? If there is doubt, consider the reasons why the doubt is there: Very rarely do I hear from women who are sure that leaving is the best decision for them. Most of them want validation. And I think the reason for this is that they still have doubts about their motivations, their marriage and their outcome.

Honestly, I’m often more inclined to think that they’re really going to go (or really want to go) when they’re indifferent. Or if they didn’t have strong feelings at all. People who come to a natural end to their marriage often don’t have all these questions or indecisions yet. They know in their hearts that they did all they could or followed the path to the end.

I often suspect that the women who contact me still have some uncertainty about this decision because they know somewhere in their hearts that they haven’t gone all the way yet. Perhaps they are afraid of being hurt or fear rejection. Maybe being the initiator makes them feel uncomfortable or vulnerable. Maybe they just don’t want to be disappointed again. Or maybe they just don’t know where to start.

Often, however, their conflicted feelings are based, at least to some extent, on a sneaking suspicion that there might still be something left or that there might still be a chance if they knew what to do to set things right again. Honestly, I can’t make this call for anyone. I can only tell you that if you haven’t reached the point of indifference or certainty yet, maybe it’s time to take a hard look at all the problems and things you’ve tried to see if maybe there’s another way to try something. something else until you get the desired result.

Because if you were sure that leaving was the right decision for you, at least at this point, you may not be looking into this decision yet, but rather acting on it.

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