Divorced but not over it?
zoom out on this
The divorce may be final, but are the remaining pain and anger still consuming you? Here are ten tips to help you process the pain and get on with your life.
1. PHYSICAL DAMAGE
Prolonged anxiety, stress, or agony of any kind hurts you physically, not just emotionally. He hits the floor and escapes the pain, lifts weights and screams, dances until he sweats. He eats well and drinks water, not alcohol. Give your body a break. Self-destruction will not make the relationship recover. If you are losing control or have suicidal thoughts, ask your doctor for antidepressants for a few months.
two. THINK IN TERMS OF SUCCESS
If you managed to have a relationship, any relationship, even if it ended badly, at least you have known passion, society and perhaps parenthood. All of that can include bread too. Would you rather never have felt anything for anyone?
3. SAVE THE CHILDREN
Are you trying to continue being a good father but your ex-partner prefers to eradicate you? Such a situation can cause a desperate panic. Remember the story of Solomon and the two mothers. Let the child live in peace and participate as much as he can. When the boy is around ten years old, they see the truth. He only gives constant and unconditional love and time will do the rest. Never make the mistake of yelling at your children out of frustration with your partner or making the children the go-between.
Four. hot anger
Hot anger is, well, hot, and not that different from passion. If you are still involved in another person’s life and what he says or does, you still need to worry. If a stranger said or did similar things, would it bother you? Probably not. Admit that you still care and seek professional help to process the leftover love masquerading as hate.
5. BLIND TO THE NEXT
As you pout in the corner, your perfect match may be watching you. If you’re still entangled in your old dead relationship, you won’t know it. Double loss.
6. LEAVING THE CITY
Get away from triggers that trigger feelings again. Take a trip to Rome or Baltimore, anywhere that’s new and different to help put a relationship crisis in perspective. It’s just a relationship. As much as it hurts right now, it’s not life-threatening HIV or cancer. you will recover
7. REAL NUMBERS
It is true that of all marriages in the United States, 50% of first marriages end in divorce and 67% of second and 74% of third marriages also end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute for Professional Psychology. . The layout shown on http://www.divorcerate.org/ is as follows:
Age at marriage for those who divorce in the United States
Age Women Men
Under 20 years 27.6% 11.7%
20 to 24 years 36.6% 38.8%
25 to 29 years 16.4% 22.3%
30 to 34 years 8.5% 11.6%
35 to 39 years 5.1% 6.5%
Relationships are much harder to keep together in this time of stress and easy divorce, especially if you were too young.
8. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
No matter how horrible your relationship may be right now, you made a long series of decisions that brought you to this place. Take responsibility for your fifty percent of all decisions and also for problems. The blame game is immature and fruitless. Learn from your mistakes and try harder next time by selecting a more compatible partner or by learning how to be a better partner.
9. LONG-TERM
If you share a child, you will also share grandchildren and great-grandchildren at weddings, graduations, and birthdays. Animosity from the past will affect the lives of your future descendants as long as you live or as long as you hold a grudge. Sweet innocents will love grandma and grandpa and your poison at their parties will poison them. It’s not fair to small children. If you stay in the same town, your friends and co-workers will have to make up for your failed relationship and your failure to repair hurt feelings. Supervisors may read that as insufficient to solve other problems and pass it over for the next promotion. Like rings of a stone in a pond, bad vibes will spread around you.
10 THE TIME IS SHORT
Your life is ending. Wouldn’t you rather be smiling, browsing, walking, discovering new miracles of science or gardening, instead of waging war?