How do we know someone has had an orgasm?
A sex education should include a description of sexual techniques that can be used to please men and women. These should differentiate between techniques that aid orgasm and those that provide sensual pleasure. We orgasm with a frequency dictated by our responsiveness. We think about sexual activity because some trigger makes us think about sex. Most men are already turned on when they have the opportunity to have sex.
Reaching orgasm depends on a number of factors. The most critical problem is that an individual must have the necessary responsiveness. Responsiveness is a male characteristic. So men are much more likely to experience orgasms than women. Other factors include a degree of privacy, a degree of trust for men in a social situation, and a relaxed state of mind.
A man may not want his performance to be observed if it is deemed deficient. Like a carnivore after a slaughter, a man does not want to have to fight his competitors. Above all, a man wants to concentrate on the eroticism of the stage in order to enjoy the best liberation. You don’t want interruptions until you’ve ejaculated. You may not want your partner to be distracted. Women want privacy because of shame about sex.
One of the key characteristics of orgasm is that it occurs sporadically. This is difficult to appreciate when an individual is very receptive. It is much easier to see when a person responds less. Due to the novelty of the situation, a man may spontaneously ejaculate if he is very aroused, young or inexperienced. Women never reach orgasm spontaneously. The female orgasm must always be consciously generated. Men also have to work to achieve orgasm to a greater or lesser degree depending on their state of arousal.
Orgasm is only one part of the arousal cycle, which varies but is a unique experience. The ideal scenario involves enjoying psychological stimulation (conscious erotic fantasy or subconscious response to eroticism) combined with genital stimulation (of the tumescent sexual organ: penis or clitoris) culminating in the release of sexual tension (in the form of orgasm) followed of a pleasant sequel (of orgasm) that includes waves of post-climax echoes and feelings of lassitude.
Reaching orgasm involves applying constant stimulation until orgasm and then giving up. The time it takes to reach orgasm depends on several factors, including our current state of arousal. But that period of stimulation cannot be determined in advance. You can’t set your watch and demand that someone orgasm at an exact moment. This makes it highly unlikely that lovers will be able to orgasm at the exact same time as the other.
Men and women experience orgasm differently. A man has the excitement of penetration and domination. A man is well aware of his need to be released. You have the feeling of ejaculating and getting rid of sexual frustration. Even for a woman, release feels best when some time has passed since the last orgasm. The focus on eroticism is a fantasy setting for a woman, but it could be exciting for a man, such as a new sexual partner.
We do not experience exactly the same sensations every time we have an orgasm. Sometimes the feelings of liberation are much more satisfying than others. Factors that affect the quality of our orgasm include: our suppressed need for sexual release, our ability to achieve a mental focus on eroticism, and factors such as our general state of well-being.
If our goal is orgasm, we want to control our own stimulation. We want to synchronize the stimulation with what is happening in our head to optimize the mental impact of orgasm (satisfaction obtained from sexual liberation). Orgasm is a subconscious response, but we need to take conscious actions to achieve it. A woman masturbates using instinctive technical stimulation (as men do). A person knows that they have had an orgasm because it is a unique experience. But we also know how we got there! Arousal (and therefore orgasm) is based on what happens in the mind.
Reaching orgasm takes considerable effort. Both men and women experience an increased heart rate and heavier breathing. For men, this effect increases if they have had vigorous sex for some time. Female arousal depends on mental concentration rather than physical exertion. A woman may tense up and hold her breath for short periods while concentrating on her arousal, which can increase her shortness of breath.
The feelings that accompany orgasm are unique and are not exactly equivalent to any other human experience. We lack the vocabulary to describe it because we never talk about these feelings. Feelings of arousal are like arousal. We felt a slight adrenaline rush. We hold our breath to focus on the feelings. Our mind is totally absorbed in what is happening. The sensations of orgasm are sweet, joyous and satisfying.
Erotic stimulation … effects a series of physiological changes that … appear to involve adrenal secretion; … increased pulse rate; … a flow of blood to … the penis … and the clitoris; … often a considerable loss of perceptual ability; increased nervous tension; some degree of frigidity in all or part of the body at the moment of maximum tension and then a sudden release that produces local spasms or more extensive convulsions. (Alfred Kinsey 1948)