It’s time to reexamine some of the teachings on so-called sacred sexuality
Our current obsession with “holy” sex (sorry! Sacred Sex) has turned into another obsession that borders on the absurd. In our frantic effort to justify why we should have more sex (with some emotion) in our lives, we have managed to rise to yet another level of hypocrisy.
As if it wasn’t enough that many people secretly enjoy their inner sexual urges, try kinky things, use porn to get turned on, drink aphrodisiacs, and have a little something hidden in a drawer somewhere, but they won’t openly admit that they enjoy it. sex, now here comes the “holy” eroticism…
With the new wave of consciousness and spiritual enlightenment came the “evil” twin. Many of us are having a lot of trouble distinguishing one from another. I especially want to warn my colleagues to be very tired of motherfuckers masquerading as Sacred Sex Instructors or Sexual Healers. I’m not saying that all instructors and healers are fake, but check the person out thoroughly before thinking of allowing someone to take advantage of their vulnerability. I have worked with women who have been lured into all kinds of sexual exploits in the name of sexual healing, holy sex, or spiritual uplift only to end up with STDs and broken hearts. This is no joke.
One of my clients told me about a holistic healer who, since I was black and involved in holistic work, she realized she might meet. She told me, the brother says that he can help women with infertility, sexual problems and child sexual abuse problems, etc. I trained in trauma counseling specializing in child sexual abuse and adult related issues, I had to see this holistic healer for myself, I may learn a few things from him.
I found the place to be a small hideaway downtown with two rooms. In one, the brother sees the clients and from the consulting room you can see through the open door into the other room which basically has a small bed, all decorated in very expensive “African” themed decor; leopard, zebra, giraffe, etc. Awesome!. The “sexual healer” himself is very handsome; a tall, dark, angular figure, handsome dreadlocks, mystical eyes, piercing and alert, and milky white teeth against coal black gums that make his smile so captivating. No wonder he has a stream of female customers, of all races. As soon as I settled on the mat in front of him, the brother started telling me all about my “sexual difficulties”. Now, that’s a real joke, because anyone who knows me also knows that with me, sex and hardship can’t belong in the same sentence. I told the brother, “there is no problem there.” So he started something about my childhood sexual abuse and stuff. I told him that he had never been abused as a child, but he insisted that he didn’t remember it and that he was hiding somewhere in my brain. I told him where I come from that child abuse is a curse, a taboo that is punishable by the death of the person, his family and the whole clan -I would have found out if something like this had happened on my own. He told me that he was in my past life-another place and time-and that this was my fifth return to earth.
Now, I don’t dispute the theory of past lives, at least I’m honest enough to say I don’t know anything about it, but I don’t necessarily care either: there are too many good things happening in this PRESENT. life that I have no real need or desire to dig up buried bones, if any. I think the real reason I was willing to listen for over 15 minutes was because of what brother was doing to me in the NOW.
See, the “diagnostic process” involves touching the places that can make a woman’s heart beat chaotically, at least a red-blooded woman. After about 10 minutes of her magic touch, and it may be because I had closed my eyes and started daydreaming about my boyfriend, she thought she had me because she invited me into the little bed to get my “treatment.” . You might have heard a pin drop in the few seconds before I went “native,” “rural,” or “emotional,” whatever you want to call it. All so-called “civilized” came out like a cheap polyester coat. I let the brother have it like we do in the village, except of course lifting up my dress and cursing him with my nakedness. I called him whatever name I could think of and repeatedly told the brother to go to “hell” which is where he belongs! I’m sure that brother had never seen anything like it because he was hiding in the corner when I left. He was still cursing when I got on the tram. Sss-sexual healing my skin!
And there are a few others who are running large commercial sex operations on behalf of holistic centers. Some of these are run by men in tight biker shorts who pretend to be “gay” only to end up touching you with their shoddy wet hands, their three-inch sagging front sock giving them away. The minimums that some people can lower themselves to have free sex!
The saying that what we know in our minds is defined by our experiences makes a lot of sense. I’ve even heard Dr. Phil say, “it’s all in the mind” when referring to sex and wondered what kind of sex he’s talking about. Isn’t there supposed to be a difference between having sex and having a fantasy about sex? And what is the spirit doing when you are having sex in your mind besides using the body? Probably perched above the ceiling somewhere, cheering or maybe judging, condemning or shaming. And immediately after intercourse, the spirit jumps back into the body, the mind, or wherever it habitually resides. If you’ve had sex, I mean the kind of abandonment you feel in every fiber of your being, you know very well that it’s much more than a matter of mind or body. Sex is an experience of the soul. And there are times when the spirit takes over, and you know, you know, something truly divine is upon the two of you.
Patriarchal religions and traditional Western culture have associated the mind with ‘thinking’ and relegated sex to a ‘physical’ function, the practices of the ancient traditions imply a different understanding. Among native cultures and indigenous peoples, sex by its very nature – consensual or rape – cannot be “merely physical” or “totally mental” because sexual intercourse releases tremendous energy (positive or negative) within the human soul. This is why sex in biblical times and among many African cultures is still referred to as “knowledge” of the other person. And that’s why rape victims or survivors of child abuse sometimes have a hard time looking their attackers and abusers in the eye. Consciously or unconsciously, sex involves the sharing of “knowledge” at the soul level.
In the native worldview, sex resonates with the fundamental energies of the universe and where the spiritual and the physical are part of one whole, and all of creation is inherently sacred because it is part of the interconnected web of the Whole that sustains life. No BODY and no THING have to be proven worthy of being considered sacred. And the fact that we abuse, misuse and disuse sex does not make it less or more sacred: SEX IS ALREADY SACRED! But of course, those of us stuck in our “scientific and logical” way of thinking of complicating and breaking things up into meaningless little pieces will have a hard time grasping the simplicity of life’s mysteries.
What I’m saying is that, however well-intentioned, our latest obsession with the “sanctity” of sex doesn’t easily heal the mind/body split or make sex more spiritual (or sacred). Furthermore, over “spiritualizing” sex on a logical and intellectual level can numb the sexual experience by obstructing the natural inner flow that knows the best path intuitively. For the sake of crying out loud, one doesn’t have to be in an expanded state of mind to passionately kiss one’s wife or husband or massage a lover’s feet. Of course, if you are in that state, it would be absolutely wonderful.
If we give sex its rightful place in all aspects of our daily lives, we could make our society more vibrant and enriching instead of being a fertile ground for deep inhibitions and all kinds of collective obsessions. Only and only when we are able to be honest with ourselves and with others about our sexual nature and our sexual desires, can we ignite that sexual fire that burns deep within us and flows through all levels of our human life.
It will take a level of awareness that Western society has not had, en masse, in the last few decades for us to make peace with sex and our sexual nature. Making peace with our sexual selves and our sexual desires is not the same as doing whatever we feel like doing. We need to form consensual agreements, respectful communication, and rituals of honor that channel sexuality in positive ways if we want to begin to heal our sick sexuality and end the sexual abuse of children in our society. But with that, we must allow ourselves to dream, fantasize, experiment, create our own sexual animal. For many of us it means breaking free of our neurotic fear of the erotic and transcending deep-seated negative beliefs and self-defeating attitudes. It even means re-examining some of the teachings on so-called sacred sexuality.
Coming back to you, what sensations come to your consciousness while you read this? Is there a revelation here for you? Maybe it’s time to clearly define what you want to do and say, to bring to life what really defines you as being sexual. It might be time for you to talk to me. Really.