Go Green – Turning your jealousy into strength

The other day I read about an acquaintance, another author, I know that appeared in The New York Times. When I came across the story, as much as I tried to fill my mind with the songs of the birds and the daisies of goodwill, I felt sandpaper scraping my soul. Immediately, his brilliant success became my failure.

Jealousy stung me like tear gas, mixed with longing and sadness. Yes, of course, I’d rather you think of me as someone who levitates in my well wishes for everyone else. And, really, I am sometimes. But other times, I have a small, insecure, tattered heart with psychic holes leaking precious energy.

But ultimately, I no longer care to be wrong about these falls from grace. I am interested in restoring my natural light. I dedicate myself to using everything I have, in every moment, to lead me to the life of my purpose, my peace, my freedom and my true success.

Since the whole world is “going green” these days, and proud of it, I thought I’d like to turn “green with envy” into an alternative energy source as well. God knows that many of us have stores of this fuel. Also, our emotions are never wrong. They are simply the yellow check engine lights, telling us that something needs our attention and care.

Jealousy is an emotion felt by many creative, intelligent, and ambitious people. It is the obscured cousin of the healthy desire to reach your own dazzling potential. Unfortunately, it is the wounded who feel powerless or as if life is unfair or that they will somehow be forever deprived of what they need and deserve. It is a wrong approach. Happens. But the good news is that you can use this activated energy to become even more focused, loving and graceful in your own life.

Here are three different approaches I’ve found helpful in turning jealousy into strength:

Put your focus where it belongs
I imagine myself drawing a circle around myself and staying within my circle. It is my reminder to focus on my own good life, and the purity and power right in front of me. I choose to bless my life, just as it is, for everything I have and everything I don’t have. I choose not to reject my own life, but to embrace it with the utmost tenderness and reverence.

I remind myself that the Spirit is the source of my good. I am never deprived of what is truly mine. My job is to take care of my own garden. When I am jealous, I am so busy watching my neighbor’s garden grow that I allow my own fruits and flowers to wither through neglect. Jealousy reminds me to water my own plants, stand on my own soil, take important and timely actions, and focus on taking care of the abundance that I have and the harvest that is yet to come. If I look outside my circle to see what someone else has, it drains my sphere of energy, my budding wonder and responsibility.

Turn jealousy into clarity
Your jealousy is a powerful flashlight. Shine a ray on your true desires. Stop focusing on what the other person has and start noticing and naming what you really want. Jerry and Esther Hicks, in “The Law of Attraction,” write that it is the contrast of what we don’t yet have that makes us “fire rockets of desire.” When you see something that itches you, it helps to awaken a passionate energy about your desire. Take a moment to imagine that wish coming true for you. Stay in the feel-good, “yes, this is exactly the kind of thing I want in my life” place, perhaps as if you found something in a catalog that you’d like to order. Imagine that you are ordering it now. Avoid the negative reaction of “but I don’t have that in my life and probably never will.” Bring your attention back to your clarity. Is there an action you would like to take now that you have this clarity? Would you like to take this moment and commit to this desire? Or do you pray for this desire, ask for help to see what thoughts or attitudes you might want to change? Real clarity often inspires commitment, movement, and right action.

Bless those to whom it touches
I find it helpful to celebrate the success of others. Of course, the first time someone suggested this to me, it sounded like I was supposed to swallow arsenic and call it pepperoni. But it works. Instead of standing in the shadows and looking different (read inadequate), I cross the finish line with them and enjoy the tapes. I imagine the dreamer in them who expected a win like this, and I’m grateful they got it. I am grateful that dreams come true. I don’t see us as different. We are all going to win and we are all going to lose. I choose to bless those whose turn it is now to stand in the sun for a moment. I also know that I don’t know his whole story. Even if I think they “just got lucky,” I don’t know the path they’re on, what struggles they’ve faced or will face. I know that no one is where they are by accident and that we are all favorite children of a loving and generous Universe. I also know that I can block my good by resisting their good. It’s hard to be in the flow when you’re grinding your teeth.

A friend of mine, a speaker, once told me that she loved seeing other speakers who spoke on her topic get better commitments than she did. It must have seemed like she saw a ghost, because she quickly explained. “We’re on the same team. They’re teaching the same message. And the more people that show up, the more people that are available to get my message.”

So the next time you feel healthy jealousy in your life, don’t let that hot stone settle in your heart. go green. Recycle. Use that nasty fire. And burn your way back to grace.

Copyright 2008 Tama J. Kieves. All rights reserved.