How To Text A Girl: The 5 Most Damaging Mistakes

Texting too often, too soon

This seems obvious, but it’s actually a very subtle thing that even I, as a texting guru, have to be careful about. Sending a text right after meeting someone is often not a good idea. Even if they are all over you, still show yourself a little restraint. Waiting a day or two to make contact for the first time shows emotional maturity and power. Leaving the text conversation first or not texting as often as her communicates that you are in demand. Something as simple as this often plants a seed of doubt, which will also be drawn to it like iron to a magnet.

be sexual

Texting too often and too soon is the most common texting mistake, but being too sexual is the most damaging when texting girls. What many men don’t understand is that women have a built-in genetic fear of men that can be triggered by a sneeze. You do not believe me? Think for a second about the level of sexual violence that women have experienced over the last million years and you can imagine why this is encoded in female DNA.

If you haven’t created enough comfort in the relationship, sending even the slightest sexual text will cause her to “RUN!” impulse. She’ll perceive that sexuality is your only interest and if you’re a little creepy, it’s all over.

To duplicate this fear, no woman, not even the most promiscuous (believe me, I’ve tried it) refuses to be perceived just for sex. It may be 100% true that she wants to rape you just as much, but you can’t be the one to open this door. When learning how to text a girl, make her feel safe first, and I assure you if there is attraction, sexual intimacy will follow.

Being overly aggressive/arrogant

I just got a drunk email from a customer: “I tried your advice and it failed! Clearly your suggestions don’t always work!” He apologized the next day, saying that he was drunk and that he had no intention of sending the email. I asked him to show me what happened, and this is a synopsis of what he texted a girl:

Him: You text me too often, you’re cute, but not cute enough to text me that much.

Her: Don’t be so mean, what do you do next?

Him: I’m not sure, I could go out with your sister.

Her: I don’t have a sister

Him: What, no sister? Well I guess the trio is out, do you have a cute friend?

Her: Um… are you drunk?

Okay, ow… I don’t like to see things like this since he clearly didn’t listen to my advice on how to text a girl. There’s a big difference between being arrogant/funny and just being a jerk. He was riding high on her previous success, but he took it too far with this girl.

The problem is when you come across a girl who can’t take this or just doesn’t have a clue how to respond. Being arrogant, self-assured and conceited MUST be balanced with the game AND you must feel your goal. If you’re playing tennis with a 5-year-old, throw the damn ball, don’t send it flying into her face. (Better still don’t play with 5 year olds)

being too nice/boring

I see this all the time when I teach guys how to text girls. They don’t know how to text a girl in a way that she creates tension, she creates attraction. Playing it safe is easy, but it gives you the least return on your efforts. In other words, if she plays nickel slots, she’ll never get the big payout.

Him: Hey, it was great meeting you last night.

Her: Yes, you look sweet.

Him: I am, but you’re not only sweet but so cute!

Her: Wow, you’re not that bad yourself (She is flattered but slightly disgusted)

Him: So cute, what are you going to do tomorrow? I love inviting you to dinner.

Her: Thank you very much but I have to… (Wash my hair, shave my butt, etc.)

Yeah yeah, you’ve all heard that the nice guy never wins, but do you understand why? It’s not because women like jerks better, but because jerk creates tension and that tension is sexy. Being nice builds security, but it’s incredibly boring and doesn’t build attraction. I know you’ve experienced the same thing with that really sweet and cute girl you dumped. Why? Not because you’re a bad guy, but simply because good is boring and the tension of attraction was non-existent. When you text girls you have to push the boundaries, you have to be interesting or you will never succeed.

relationship ultimatum

This is more of a girl thing, but I’ve gotten countless emails from guys who have violated this. Here are examples of horrible relationship ultimatum texts:

Hey, I really like you and I’d like to know where this is going.

If I text you I’d really like to get a text sooner I feel like you don’t mind

I feel like I’m the only one working in this relationship.

I don’t agree that you have so many friends

I really like you and I don’t want to play any more games.

All of these texts communicate: “I’m weak, I need reassurance that you care, you have more power than me, I’m jealous, and I’m acting like a child.” If you write this type of text, you are forcing her into a more masculine role and she will act on it and run away just like you would. She lets her move on you first, then tell her you feel the same way. Always keep your balance when texting girls, always be the one in control of your emotions.