Top Ten Relationship Experts
Most couples will admit that it takes work to maintain a healthy relationship. During those exciting early stages of dating, everyone is sporting their best party manners. It can be difficult to find fault with each other. Those minor character flaws can come off as endearing or quirky at first. Six months later, they are called perpetually annoying or unbearable irritating habits.
When two people try to build on that initial bliss, problems can and do arise. Compromise becomes a necessity, and the glaring reality of imperfection shines like a spotlight. Relationship experts say that people are rarely emotionally stuck, even when they are half of the ideal partner. Combine life’s everyday challenges with some unavoidable surprises, and more stable couples may sometimes find they need help.
Where do you go most often for relationship advice? After trusting a trusted friend, but before seeking full professional advice, many will head straight for the bookstore self-help aisle. It is an incredibly successful multi-billion dollar industry that specifically aims to give advice to those in love, loveless or heartbroken.
The business is now targeting relationship seekers, recovering divorcees, and every other aspect of the mating dance imaginable. There is a DIY book for all relationships. Add seminars, retreats, TV and radio shows, websites, and audiobooks and you’ve got a full-blown empire.
It would be difficult and subjective to name the most effective relationship experts; But over the years a “Who’s Who” list has emerged. Each has a unique style and a different claim to fame. His devoted audience is as diverse as his credentials and techniques. From the conventional to the unusual, here is a list of the world’s most recognized names in the relationship counseling industry:
o Dr. Ruth Westheimer
The diminutive 80-year-old psychosexual therapist, known simply as “Dr. Ruth,” was one of the first people to bring frank discussions of human sexuality up front and in the living room. His radio show, Sexually Speaking, which began as an “after hours” listener call program, first aired in 1980. Since then, this icon has written numerous books, has hosted his own television show. , has released several games and videos, and still operates its very popular website.
o Dr. Philip McGraw
“Dr. Phil” is sure to go down in history as a no-nonsense relationship expert and the epitome of personal branding at its finest. McGraw emerged onto the national scene by making frequent guest appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show, where he was an instant hit with audiences. His common-sense approach to couples counseling, colorful euphemisms, and “average guy” appeal has earned the bestselling author a household name and status as the king of daytime television.
or Dr. John Gray
He first taught us that Venus and Mars were much more than planets and the mythological figures we thought they were. His relationship philosophy and advice revolve around a basic premise: that men and women are inherently different, and that the key to solving relationship problems lies in understanding and respecting those differences. According to its website, more than 40 million copies of its Venus-Mars book series, printed in 45 languages, have been sold worldwide.
or John Welwood, Ph.D.
Welwood’s signature style of unraveling the mysteries of intimate relationships integrates traditional Western psychology with Eastern spiritual wisdom. He spent his early years as a philosophy student, including two years at the Sorbonne in Paris studying existentialist thought. In addition to being a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Welwood is an award-winning author of a series of books on relationships. Journey of the Heart, Ordinary Magic and Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships: Healing the Wound of the Heart are among the most famous.
or David Deida
There’s no question that this New Age relationship guru has his share of controversy. His best-selling book bears a title that practically jumps off the shelf: The Way of the Higher Man. One critic praised it and called it “a surprisingly practical guide to living a masculine life of integrity, authenticity and freedom.” Another summed it up as “misogynistic nonsense.” But Deida’s biggest critics point to her lack of credentials, insisting that she doesn’t have formal degrees from an accredited institution. However, the fans remain loyal. Deida’s spiritual relationship seminars for men, women and couples continue to sell out.
or Dr. John Gottman
Dr. Gottman is one of the most academically credentialed therapists on the list. As a co-founder of the Gottman Institute in Seattle, he and his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, seek to help couples and for the institute to serve as a training ground for mental health professionals. The media dubbed her lab at the University of Washington the “Love Lab” because of her research on couple interactions. His scientific approach to predicting marital success is remarkable: Gottman is able to predict with more than 90% accuracy which couples will and will not succeed.
o Dr. Laura Schlessinger
“Dr. Laura” is a favorite of the most controversial psychotherapists to ever hang a tile. Some say she epitomizes anti-feminism, but after 30 years as a radio show host, she remains immensely popular. Callers are familiar with his confrontational style of giving advice, and his books are just as straightforward. Eleven of them have regularly featured on the NY Time bestseller list. The first, Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives, debuted in 1994. The Brooklyn native earned her Postdoctoral Certification in Marriage, Family and Child Counseling from the University of Southern California.
o Dr. Gary Smalley
He is the founder of Today’s Family organization and the Smalley Relationship Center, a multipurpose marriage and family counseling center with a 14-point mission statement based on Christian doctrine. For the past 35 years, Smalley has written books, conducted hundreds of marriage seminars, and reached conference audiences now in the millions. His famous award-winning infomercial, “Hidden Keys to Relationships,” has been featured by celebrities including Dick Clark and Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford.
o Dr. Neil Clark Warren
Dr. Warren is known to many as the founder and spokesperson for eHarmony, but before launching the dating website in 2000, he spent 35 years practicing clinical psychology. After counseling thousands of married couples, he believed there was a better way to find a life partner without leaving it to fate. Years of collaborative research with Dr. Galen Buckwalter led to the widely publicized Compatibility Matching System. According to an interactive study by Harris from 2007, 236 eHarmony members get married every day in the United States after being matched on eHarmony.
or Dr. Gary Chapman
This marriage counselor, Baptist minister, and radio show host has written more than 20 books since 1979. Of these, The Five Languages of Love is the most famous. It holds that, as givers and recipients of love, each of us expresses emotion in a different way. Chapman identifies those five “languages” as quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical contact. Therefore, understanding the love language of a couple will lead to effective communication. It is also the basis for his radio show, “A Love Language Minute,” which airs on more than 100 stations across the United States.